Paying attention to giving people your full attention.

From Afternoons, 3:10 pm on 21 July 2025

We've all experienced that moment when someone glances at their phone mid-conversation and you suddenly feel invisible. Kiwis check our devices around 50 times an hour, and it's costing us more than we think. Psychiatrist and writer Dr. Samaiya Mushtaq says attention is a form of care, and when we lose it, we lose empathy too. She writes for Modern Love in the New York Times and on her Substack, The Middle Path. In a new essay she explores how distraction lets us dodge discomfort and why real connection starts with giving people your full attention. The title of the essay is How Much Control Do We Have Over What We Pay Attention To? Dr Mushtaq spoke to Jesse.