By Sofie Louise*
Can your relationship survive if you don't see eye to eye on the bigger issues? Photo: Unsplash
With Joe Biden pulling out of the reelection campaign, the recent attempt on Donald Trump's life, and multiple devastating wars occurring around the world, many people are finding themselves experiencing increased levels of stress. And unfortunately, among other negative repercussions, stress tends to find its way into the bedroom, decreasing both pleasure and desire.
So how can you navigate the complex intersection between world issues and intimacy?
Is it harder to have sex when there's so much going on in the world?
It's normal to find it harder to prioritise sex while there's a seemingly endless stream of bad news being broadcast. In fact, studies have found that for 80-90 percent of the population, increased stress levels act to significantly reduce interest in sex.
When an individual is experiencing this, they have two main options. They can either choose to intentionally take sex off the table for a few weeks while they focus on putting energy into other parts of their life. Or, they can choose to increase the effort they're putting into their intimate life to revive their libido and overcome the effects of stress.
Both of these options are valid and healthy, and what each person chooses will be specific to what their priorities are at this moment in time.
Why is sex and intimacy still important when there's seemingly bigger issues at play?
I've had people ask me whether it's selfish to put time and effort into their sex lives while there are wars occurring. While having an awareness of the stark difference in lived experiences around the world is an important factor that can lead to positive action taking, no one benefits from you deteriorating the quality of your own life.
In fact, pleasure is a highly effective and recommended resource that can be used to decrease stress levels and burnout. The social connection and pleasure involved in sex release feel-good hormones that positively impact how involved you're able to be in the social issues that matter to you.
If my partner and I don't see eye-to-eye on world issues, should we still stay together?
I've seen many clients who hold vastly different political beliefs than their partner, and I've seen how these differing attitudes can create tension within a relationship and its accompanying sex life.
Whether a couple chooses to stay together and have a thriving sex life when they sit at opposite ends of the political spectrum is a choice that only that couple can make. However, what I've suggested to clients before is that they consider whether it's their partner's political stance or their underlying values that are the issue.
Political discussions can simply be avoided by those who don't see eye-to-eye politically, thus removing this is an issue within the relationship. However, if the individuals have opposing moral compasses that will inevitably cause tension over many different occasions, then that can be a more challenging situation to overcome.
How do I keep political issues out of the bedroom?
Reading about political tension in the States and seeing videos on social media of the war in Gaza are unlikely to assist anyone with accessing their desire for intimacy.
While it's important to stay informed about what's happening in the world, it's also important to have healthy boundaries around politics that allow your intimate life to remain healthy.
I recommend not checking news sites too early or late in the day and avoiding political talk in the bedroom, so this part of your house can remain a dedicated space for connection and pleasure. You may also find it beneficial to limit how long you spend looking at the news, say to 30 minutes per day.
Setting these boundaries doesn't mean that you stop caring about what's happening in the world. Instead, this strategic boundary setting allows you to stay passionate without becoming overwhelmed.
During this time, it's also normal to find that you need to dedicate more time to foreplay in order to give yourself time to relax into the experience and locate your sexual desire.
*Sofie Louise is a certified Auckland-based sex and libido coach and freelance journalist.
