Robyn Dandy is a Lake Alice survivor. Photo: RNZ / Jimmy Ellingham
Survivors and advocates have criticised the decision to hold the government's abuse in care apology in Parliament, as it's meant hundreds have missed out on seeing it in person.
Space at today's apology in Parliament is limited to about 250 people and of those only 180 will be in the debating chamber to witness Prime Minister Christopher Luxon apologises.
A ballot was held to determine places at the event.
Almost 500 survivors will watch the apology at livestream events in Auckland, Wellington and Christchurch, with many having missed out on the opportunity to be in Parliament.
Robyn Dandy was sent to Lake Alice Hospital's child and adolescent unit in 1972.
The government has admitted children and young people were tortured there.
Dandy had hoped to be at Parliament for the apology, but was told she missed out on a space.
"I asked them point-blank 'Why can't I go to Parliament?' - 'Oh, you haven't been drawn out of the ballot to go to Parliament'. And don't I deserve that after all these years of waiting? I feel really deflated. I'm disappointed and the other Lake Alice survivors in Whanganui that I know, I've seen them in tears over it."
Dandy had waited 50 years to hear the government say sorry.
"We're all elderly now, we're getting on in years, we want somebody to say sorry to us - to our face. I want to look at the PM when he says sorry, especially to the Lake Alice people. We went through hell there."
Instead, Dandy would join 190 survivors watching a livestream of the apology at Shed 6 on Wellington's waterfront.
In Auckland, 180 survivors would watch a livestream at the Due Drops Event Centre, while in Christchurch, 115 survivors would watch the livestream at the town hall.
Survivors told RNZ they wanted the government to make the in-person apology open to everyone who wanted to participate, with a venue chosen to fit them all.
Another of those who wanted to be in Parliament was Hanz Freller, who was groomed and abused by Brother Bernard McGrath at the Hebron Trust in Christchurch in the early 90s.
"They want to get this out of the way as quick as possible," he said.
"There are many of us survivors out there who feel left out because the government would rather have it in a place that suits them."
Freller would be watching a livestream at the Christchurch Town Hall.
If he had the opportunity to speak to the prime minister, he would ask one question: "Why couldn't you have had the event at a bigger venue for all those survivors who wanted to turn up?"
The government had told survivors money was no barrier and the apology was about doing the right thing, Freller said.
But they missed an opportunity to prove it, he said.
While the government was willing to assist survivors around New Zealand to travel to parliament or to livestream events, no such support was offered for those overseas.
Grant West (Burgess), who now lived in Melbourne, said many survivors left the country because of the abuse they suffered.
"I'm disappointed in the Crown and the government for not recognising the survivors who have left the country and not making them a part of this apology," he said.
Network for Survivors of Abuse advocate Liz Tonks would this morning lead a protest outside the Wellington livestream event.
The government was excluding survivors, minimising their voices, and an apology before redress was meaningless, she said.
"The cost of this apology could've been well spent providing what survivors need. Survivors aren't impressed. Many are staying away because they were left out and denied a place, many have chosen to stay away to make the point and we're going to be there to represent those people."
Te Ohaakii a Hine - National Network Ending Sexual Violence Together had also criticised the choice of Parliament as the venue.
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