The one question Muslim women face every summer

CrossFit athlete Mariam Bahar walks among her peers, most of whom are probably in shorts and singlets. Bahr is fully covered with just her hands and face showing, but she is unfazed by looking different. It is not until someone asks "aren't you hot?" or "aren't you uncomfortable wearing that?" that she remembers she has got a hijab on.

It is the unfailing question many Muslim women who wear the hijab will often hear while living in New Zealand and other Western societies on hot days.

"Mind you, during Covid when I did work out at home, it was just annoying me because my hair was in my face … I was just thinking the opposite I'm like 'doesn't your hair annoy you when it's flapping in your face?'" says Bahar, who started CrossFit in about 2019.

"Even when you wear shorts, it will roll up, and I'm like thinking aren't you uncomfortable with your shorts rolling up?... It's funny, it's both ways, but we don't necessarily question other people's choices, but I do get it all the time."

It is the same for New Zealand's only hijab-wearing sworn police officer, Constable Zeena Ali. It is the same for Veronika Edali, a designer of WOMMO modest swimsuits and content creator.

"The most common question will be 'do you have hair underneath there?' Second would be like 'are you not hot? I'm dying, how are you wearing long sleeves? How do you have that thing on your head?'" says Ali, who felt more compelled to start wearing her hijab again after the Christchurch terror attacks and her hajj pilgrimmage.

"But once you start wearing it, I think you get so used to it … you just can't feel it."

All three Aucklanders hope for a future of normalising the hijab and meaningful connections so non-Muslim Kiwis will have sufficient understanding about what it is and what it means to them.

What you need to know about the hijab

Wearing the hijab - derived from the Arabic word translating to veil - is seen as an act of worship. It can come in many forms, including the niqab and burka, which are more conservative. Essentially the hijab covers the hair and for many women the neck and ears too.

• Some believe it should be worn from the age of 9 or thereabouts, when a girl starts to reach puberty. But this can vary because each person will be influenced by their upbringing, culture, and which denomination they follow.
• Although some women may have been pressured to wear the hijab that is not true for everyone - each Muslim's hijab journey will be different.
• But the hijab is not just the attire of modest clothing and a head covering, it includes modest behaviour and acting appropriately according to the faith too.
• It has become commonplace to refer to a woman who wears the hijab as a 'hijabi' - a Westernised word originating from the Arabic one. Traditionally, women who wear the hijab are referred to as muhajaba (singular) or muhajabat (plural) in Arabic.
• Men have their own 'hijab' guidelines, which includes modest clothing and acting with humility, but are not required to cover their head.

Common remarks and questions Muslim women hear

"Aren't you hot?" - Wearing the hijab is simply "a way of life", explains Edali. She created a swimwear and activewear collection to suit the needs of Muslim women after seeing a lack of suitable options. While wearing the hijab muhajabat aren't aware of it because they're so accustomed to it, Ali says.

The hijab material and styles can also be adjusted to suit one's needs. For instance, the police hijab has been designed with consideration for the sweaty work. Sports brands' hijab products were sampled and inquiries were also made about the attire of other Muslim police officers overseas, Ali says.

"You don't have to wear it here in New Zealand, you know?" / "Just take it off, you're free here" - Edali and Bahar say they have chosen to wear the hijab, but still hear this type of remark from strangers.

"I actually received a comment the other day 'oh, let women just be normal', but what is normal? What you're wearing now was not normal 15 years ago… what is normal to you is very not normal to me… Can we just make women's choice normal?" Edali says.

"People deserve the right to choose what they want to believe."

"Do you shower in it?" / "Do you sleep in it?" / "Do you wear it at home?" - No, no, and usually not. The hijab is usually worn in public and in front of men considered to be non-mahram (those who a woman could theoretically marry). But that doesn't mean all women will take off their hijab in front of you just because you are a woman, again it will depend on how comfortable they are with you and the environment.

Bahar, who is also Te Kura Māori o Ngā Tapuwae's assistant principal, says her students have "all the questions under the sun", but she does not mind helping them understand when it is okay for her to take her hijab off and why.

"Are you sick?" / "Do you have hair?" / "What does it look like?" - Generally speaking, a muhajaba's hair is just like everybody else in the diversity of colours and styles. Some muhajabat would not mind answering this when asked by other women, but it can depend on your relationship with them and how comfortable they are sharing this. For men, it's generally considered inappropriate for them to know.

The best way to put it is how Edali answered a preschooler asking about her hijab: "I believe my hair is private… and only my family can see it."

"Your country" - Even if Muslim women have lived in Aotearoa for many years, their hijab can make them identifiable targets of remarks which infer that they do not belong here, such as questions or statements that refer to "your country" assuming this is not their home.

"When I first joined [the police], I think I got a little bit of backlash [in public] and that was in North Shore where they were like 'can you hear me?' and there was others like 'what's that thing you have on your head?' or whatever but ever since I've been in Henderson it's been amazing," Ali says.

I'm still curious, so will a Muslim woman be annoyed if I ask her a question?

Ali, Edali, and Bahar say they welcome the opportunity to expand people's knowledge and are not personally offended by these questions.

But it is important to put yourself in other people's shoes and be considerate, Edali says. Not everyone will feel the same or be comfortable answering - perhaps you have caught them at the wrong time and they have already been asked the same question by 10 other people today while going about their business.

Lead with kindness and curiosity, not assumptions, she says.

"Assumptions are so dangerous, like I could look at you and I could paint a whole story in my head but none of it will be true because I don't know your story," Edali says. "It all comes down to letting go of expectations and actually trying to get to know a person.

"'Aren't you hot in that?' or let's rephrase that question, 'what material are you wearing to make sure you stay cool in the summer?'"

Ali leaves emotion out and tries to break the ice with people who ask.

"If they come to us aggressively and that's how we respond, like we roll our eyes or here's another question or whatever, first thing, you're making them feel uncomfortable and then they don't want to approach anyone else.

"And it's also making you think you've got this mindset of 'these people are judging me'."

Likewise, Bahar says she understands people are curious and she does not feel judged in her CrossFit community.

"The way I've consistently kept up with it, now it's normal for everyone in my CrossFit community … then when they look at me, they don't even question it."

How a hijab can invite positive experiences too

Bahar says she has helped her students learn more about Muslims, in particular after the Christchurch mosque attacks, and forged connections between her students and the Islamic schools nearby.

Edali says she takes inspiration from her "colourful" YouTube comment section to educate people about her beliefs and values and finds people are grateful for it. She acknowledges everyone is susceptible to projecting their prejudices.

"I was in the theatre once and I was seated next to this elderly white man and he looked at me, like [he] did a double take, and I'm like 'oh here we go, what's going to happen?' and then he was like 'your hijab is so beautiful!'"

Ali helped get a specially designed hijab approved as part of the official police uniform, and with New Zealand's growing multi-cultural population, she finds this representation will be crucial.

"I feel like if I turn up to a job, I can de-escalate it. I feel like people are so aware of Muslims and if they're ever having a meltdown, they'll look at me and they'll be like 'are you Muslim? Oh, salam alykum'.

"I had one of the offenders that said, 'are you Muslim?' and I was like yeah, and he's like 'wouldn't it be great if everyone read the Qur'an?' I was like 'woah, hold on, you're one of the top offenders over here and you're telling me this?'"

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