By Emily Brookes*
Is A Complete Unknown a drama? Is The Bear a comedy? Only The Golden Globes knows. Photo: AFP/ Golden Globes
Preview - From drunk celebrities to no-show ceremonies, the Golden Globes not only kick off awards season - they're also the wackiest awards show out. As we look ahead to the 82nd Golden Globes happening this week, read on to find out why the Globes are so barmy.
Almost everyone's trolleyed
There's an overall louche air at the Golden Globes that other ceremonies have tried, often cringingly, to emulate but just can't quite capture (like you, I wish I didn't remember Glenn Close twerking at the 2001 Oscars).
The main reason why? Unlike other awards shows, the Globes are built around a dinner - and many of the nominees appear to be on liquid diets.
Consider just a few of these ironically unhinged Golden Globes moments.
Sharon Stone shouting the list of nominees from the podium and then slapping winner Richard Gere on the arm when he arrived to collect his award in 2003.
Liz Taylor apparently having no idea why she was on stage when presenting in 2001: "What? I don't open this? What's this for?"
And perhaps the greatest moment in all awards history: Emma Thompson, in 2014, toddling up to the podium with her Louboutins in one hand and a martini in the other.
Photo: HANDOUT
'The Bear' is not a comedy!
Ebon Moss-Bacharach is great. Jeremy Allen White is really great. Ayo Edibiri is so great I would lie down in traffic for her and then fall over again with the profusion of my gratitude for the honour. But are any of these three stars of The Bear acting in a comedy - or a musical?
Undoubtedly not, as anyone who has seen even 60 seconds of perhaps the most anxiety-inducing show ever produced will know. And yet the Golden Globe Foundation, in its wisdom, has decided television series - musical or comedy is the category The Bear belongs in.
The far more explicitly comedic spy caper Mr & Mrs Smith, meanwhile, is considered a television series - drama.
Over in movies, Heretic, which was described by this outlet's Simon Morris as "a nasty horror film" is a musical or comedy for Golden Globes purposes, while A Complete Unknown, the Bob Dylan biopic in which Timothée Chalamet performs over three dozen songs, is a drama.
The separation of films and TV shows into two categories makes space for a larger and broader field of nominees, but how those categories are defined is an unknowable Golden Globes mystery.
The voters are random
Most entertainment awards are decided by members of professional organisations, and they often overlap; those eligible to vote for Oscar winners, for example, may well also be for the DGAs, BAFTAs or Emmys.
The Globes, on the other hand, are determined by - get this - critics.
There's virtually no overlap between Globes' voters and those of other major awards. That can lead to some truly off-piste nominees - remember Hugh Jackman in Kate & Leopold? Or Kate & Leopold at all? Me neither. These often provide some surprising and refreshing differences to the next six weeks of red carpets and gold gongs, which can make the Oscars feel like a fait accompli by the time they roll around.
Jane Campion scooped a number of directing awards for The Power of the Dog, including the Globes. Photo: Frederic J. Brown / AFP
A Kiwi director won, and nobody noticed
If a Golden Globe is awarded, but it's not handed out by a star in designer duds, does it make a sound?
Entertainment philosophers have pondered this question twice. In 2008, the Writers Guild of America strike meant there was no one to write the jokes and links for a ceremony, so it was replaced by an hour-long press conference.
In the lead-up to the 2022, it was revealed the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, which administered the awards and has since been rebranded the Golden Globes Foundation, had virtually no members of colour.
That led to a boycott and, combined with a Time's Up diversity scandal, the Globes' broadcaster NBC announced it would not air the ceremony. Instead, the HFPA presented the awards in a hush-hush private ceremony with no cameras, no press and no celebrities.
Winners that year included Kiwi director Jane Campion for The Power of the Dog, which also won best drama film.
You can't even watch the Globes in New Zealand this year
Despite all of its delightful wackiness, no broadcaster or platform has taken the rights to air the 82nd Golden Globes live in Aotearoa.
That's OK though: you can follow along with our liveblog here on RNZ from around 1pm on 6 January.
* Emily Brookes in a freelance lifestyle and entertainment writer.
