It's probably fair to say parenthood is a wild ride, full of twists and turns and ups and downs.
But every now and then something comes up that completely throws you. Your child coming out as trans may be one of those things.
Jo and Chris experienced this first hand.
Jo and Chris share the story of their young daughter's transition. Photo: Supplied
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Chris and Jo's story begins with a household of 3 young sons, however everything changed when their middle child turned two. Fast forward a couple of years and they now have 2 sons and a daughter.
As the parents of a young trans child they have heard it all before.
“We had some friends and family and even strangers assuming that we are putting it on her, like, she’s three, we should be telling her what to wear,” said Jo, “But I often said to people, 'you’re welcome to come to my house in the morning and try get her into boys clothes because she will not'.”
Jo and Chris went from having three boys to having two sons and a daughter. Photo: Supplied
Like a lot of parents of trans kids, it took Chris a while to process what was happening and to get his head around things.
“I was totally in denial about the whole thing,” he said, “This is a phase, this isn’t happening”.
Eventually Chris was able to come to terms with what was happening to their daughter and now sees how fortunate they are that their daughter was able to see her true self at such a young age.
“For us, I think we have got it easy. We have got a lot of time to support and learn.”
Scout Barbour-Evans says they needed to transition in order to be well enough to become a parent. Photo: Supplied
Scout Barbour-Evans is a trans parent.
They struggled to reconcile the desire to be a parent and carry their own child with the dysphoric feelings that it brought up and what that could mean.
“I felt like if anyone knew how much I wanted to have children one day, that they wouldn’t allow me to transition,” said Scout, “Transition was much higher on the priority list than having children because it's what I needed to be well enough to have children.”
Scout now has a daughter and they couldn't be happier.
"[She's] the best thing that I've ever made."
Scout Barbour-Evans says their daughter is "the best thing I've ever made" Photo: Supplied
Joe's transition has changed Pauline's perspective on parenthood and gender which she is very aware of having recently given birth to her second child.
“People asked me what I wanted to have, and I was like, it doesn’t really matter because they can change later on.”
Useful Links
Gender Minorities Aotearoa Study and School: Resources on studying and school environments for transgender people.
Naming New Zealand: An organisation to help transgender, gender diverse and intersex youth with updating their identity documents to correctly reflect their sex and gender.
Rainbow Youth Whanau Support: A resource centre for parents, including links to parent support Facebook groups.
Being Proud: A collection of personal stories, information and tips written for and by parents and caregivers of Trans* and gender diverse children in Australia.
You can also find more information on the Let's Be TRANSparent website
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Or email us at joseph@transparentpodcast.nz
Let's Be TRANSparent was made by Motuihe Group for RNZ
Photo: Supplied
