“Break the silence”: Migrant rebuilds life after losing everything to gambling

Warning: This article discusses gambling addiction.

Multilingual black-and-white billboards have been popping up in the country's main centres as part of an anti-gambling campaign.

Titled "They Bet on You Staying Silent", the initiative has been launched by Asian Family Services to empower ethnic communities to break the silence surrounding gambling harm, the organisation's chief executive, Kelly Feng, said.

Jiho, a gambling addict for nearly 20 years who lost "everything" to the disorder, offered to be part of the campaign in order to encourage others to seek help.

The South Korean native shared his story with Asian Family Services on condition that a pseudonym be used to protect his family's identity and aid his ongoing recovery.

Jiho initially enjoyed his new life after moving to New Zealand with his wife and young son in the early 2000s.

However, the stress from work, language barriers and cultural differences piled up pressure on him.

In 2003, Jiho experienced the allure of slot machines in SkyCity Casino for the first time before later betting on horse races and other gambling activities.

The frequency of these activities quickly changed from a few times in the first year to a daily habit.

"I started out with a new experience of fun to relieve stress, but gambling was taking over my life before I knew it," Jiho told Asian Family Services.

"I started to lose the money, my house, my family, my friends, everything.

"I came to New Zealand to build a better life for my family, but I had become the very person destroying it."

He tried to stop numerous times, including seeking counselling briefly, but failed.

The addiction reached its peak during the Covid-19 pandemic, and he lost his "last bit of money" before falling into despair and making two suicide attempts.

"I was living in complete darkness, believing that my life has no meaning or value. ... I labeled myself as a gambling addict and withdrew from [society], unable to continue to work or even face people," Jiho told Asian Family Services.

"The damage to my family was heartbreaking ... my wife and I divorced, and my son left me. The family I had to sacrifice so much to protect was gone."

He said friends and acquaintances also kept their distance from him as he had borrowed money from them but failed to repay the loan on time many times.

"I was left completely alone, isolated and filled with shame," Jiho told Asian Family Services.

A turning point happened in 2019 when two of his colleagues encouraged him to seek professional help.

The journey wasn't easy and Jiho relapsed many times, but he finally rebuilt his life with the help of regular counselling through Asian Family Services.

"Back then, I believed there was no way out," he said.

"However, with God's grace and with the help of compassionate people, I have now been free from gambling for four years."

The healing began when he started to talk to his colleagues, then counsellors and his church mentors, Jiho said.

"For many years, silence was my prison," he said.

"I was too ashamed and afraid to tell anyone about my struggles. So, I suffered alone and the [longer] I stayed silent, the deeper I sank into gambling and despair."

Jiho continues to meet counsellors to keep any temptation to gamble in check.

"For everyone struggling with gambling, I'd like to say something: Our future always has a way [to] work, and it begins once you break the silence.

"I prayed that my story [would] encourage others to break their silence and believe that there is a way out and that true healing is possible."

Gambling addiction can tear families apart, something Angie only knows too well.

The Chinese native shared her story with Asian Family Services as part of the campaign on condition that a pseudonym be used to protect her family's identity.

Angie discovered her husband had been gambling when she was heavily pregnant in 2017.

He returned home late frequently and was often absent altogether, while mortgage repayments started to go missing, she said.

"I was struggling with panic attacks, and the emotional toll was overwhelming," Angie told RNZ.

"Gambling didn't just cause financial damage, it deeply damaged our family relationships," she said.

"The sense of betrayal and instability during such a vulnerable time left lasting scars."

After several attempts to seek counselling failed, Angie decided to give up on the relationship.

She urged people who struggled with gambling harm to seek help, such as asking someone they trusted to help manage their finances.

Angie also encouraged those who were affected by gambling indirectly to prioritise their own welfare, especially when children or loved ones depended on them.

The title of the campaign - "They Bet on You Staying Silent" - made Angie reflect on her own experiences.

"To me, 'they' can represent many people: gambling institutions or even those around you who are affected by gambling but choose to ignore it.

"'They' assume you won't speak up, that you'll stay silent, that you won't seek help, but silence only protects the harm," she said.

"Breaking that silence is the first step toward healing, accountability and change."

Gambling harm was significant in Asian communities, with Asian individuals facing a more than ninefold higher risk of severe gambling harm, Feng said.

Research by her organisation showed that stigma-related barriers made up two-thirds of all barriers to seeking gambling support, she said.

"Asians do not know where and how to seek help at the early stage," Feng said. "Also, because of shame [and] stigma, they are often reluctant to seek help as well."

Stock Chinese phrases to describe gambling addicts - "gambling dog" or "gambling ghost" - could be perceived as being highly derogatory and prevent people from seeking help, she said.

Feng said online gambling had been increasing in recent years, particularly among young people, turning gamification into a pathway to normalise gambling activities.

Feng hoped the campaign could reach those who might need help, as a majority of those who were experiencing gambling harm were still out there and not getting the help they needed.

"We really want those people to start to seek help and break their silence," she said.

Where to go for help

Asian Family Services: 0800 862 342; help@asianfamilyserivces.nz

Problem Gambling Foundation: 0800 664 262 or text 5819; help@pgf.nz

Gambling Helpline: 0800 654 655; info@gamblinghelpline.co.nz